There are five things I need in my closet;
Some painful memories,
Happy regrets,
A lot of Rihanna cos she’s quirky and she gets me,
Doubts and fears blading my personality till I bleed. Deeply.
And wine! Yes, .. to get me to despair quickly.
The closet I run to when I don’t catch The Holy Ghost
The closet I run to when dissapointments catch my feeble heart.
I keep it locked. Mostly.
Trying to be better. Renewed.
I’m really believing in the power of the blood to cleanse. heal. transform.
But that closet is warm. Friendly. Familiar.
Ever been beaten down by the Christian walk?
Not by the trials. The falling.
Backsliding. Moonwalking.
One day you’re so high you can almost touch angels
Next minute, you’re back, playing with your favorite demons.
That kind of beaten down.
That kind of “I’m tired”
the “Where-is -this- going-God” type questions
the “When -will- I – ever-be -free” agony.
the “Scrolling-through-your-contacts -with – no – one-to-talk -to” moments
the “No- one -understands” acknowledgement.
Sometimes tears roll down your cheeks
because all you can utter is a blatant sigh..
The “f*#k it!- I- can’t- get- there” sigh
making you reach for the keys to your closet.
Pardon my French,
but if that offended you, I can never let you in to my closet.
It stinks, … but it’s pretty much me
A collection of my experiences, hurts and mindsets
I know for sure I can’t take Jesus in there
He’d be so sad.
Which is why I’m unsatisfied.
Even in this space,
It’s still. small. but that voice is clear..
I’m not made for this.
To be confined to these chains long broken by the blood.
I don’t know what’s in your closet.
What you refuse to let go of, when trusting is hard.
But I bet it doesn’t take long for you to regret paying a visit there.
For that still small voice won’t let you rest.
God is real.
Transformation is possible.
The blood really does heal.
You just have to choose to believe.
I find it funny,
How it says a righteous man falls seven times.
Seven. the number of perfection.
Translation, I deserve to stay down.
Fallen so many times it actually looks on me.
No hope to come clean.
/No/ :- used to express refusal or disagreement or denial.
That’s the word you must look for in your closet.
No to the old life.
No to the back and forth.
No to suffocating in the closet space.
For when there’s absolutely no reason to rise,
That’s when it’s most important to say No!,
burn the closet,
and
Rise!!!!
~ sheyla
