Back Stab
I have stalled a long time from writing this.
I had to analyze it from every angle possible
Make sure I’m not being overly dramatic.
So you know that feeling that just won’t go away when you think of certain friends? Like deep down, you know they don’t really love you. They may like what you do and like you to an extent.. but it feels more accomodating than it does love?
Why do we shrug it off? That nagging feeling. Why do we make excuses for them.. trying to fit ourselves into this perfect story of ‘friendship’.
The signs are evident. Oh yes they are! Those red flags of snide comments here and there, always trying to one-up you; genuine love only felt when other friends are present; never really a congratulations when you excel, just reminders of the obstacles you’re about to face hidden in the question: ‘Eii can you handle this and that?’
I have quite a number of friends… and most of them will admit to having that one friend who rubs them off the wrong way. That one friend they are not quite sure will root for them all the way.
Let me get straight to the point. Some months ago, I overheard a conversation between some friends about me. Talk about a stab in the back. It hurt so much so let me take the opportunity to apologize to everyone I’ve ever talked about.🙏🏾 Karma got me bigtime!😩 It’s definitely not a nice feeling; being the subject of discussion when you’re not in the room.
This is what i learnt;
- No matter how much of a saint you are, you can’t control people’s opinion of you. It’s just impossible so I’d rather you didn’t.
- People will always add ‘flesh’ to the story to make it palatable for the audience. LOUDER FOR THE SAINTS IN THE BACK!!! Exaggeration is necessary for the gist to pap. So you’re really defenceless if you’re the subject of discussion.
- Their opinions stay their opinions. At the end of the discussion, everyone goes home with a perception of you. An idea, a thought is formed about you based on the story heard, and most likely it stays in their heads. It may seep out occasionally in their behavior towards you but very seldom will it leave their minds. Question is, what can you do about what is in another’s head?? Nothing!
- The hurt we feel when we experience betrayal is from the need to be accepted. I call it validation (but I’m no psychologist). I believe it’s a genuine human need to be seen, wanted and accepted.
The issue is, this need must be met from within first!
You must meet the need to be seen by others by SEEING AND ACCEPTING YOURSELF FIRST.
You have to be able to identify your strengths and weaknesses. Be confident in the former and be willing to work on the latter. But there must be a genuineness about accepting yourself first.
Matthew 22:39
‘And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself’
Love as thyself. Interesting to me, that after loving God with all your heart (affections); with all your soul (being); and with all your mind (thought process); God admonishes us to love our neighbor as thyself.
This means there is a need to learn to love yourself.
We’ll talk about Self-Love extensively in another post, but for the purpose of this post, I say, it is the ability to look within oneself and first be satisfied, and then have the willingness to improve on one’s inherent self.
So my dear YMC (young millenial Christian), I guess betrayal is part of the process. Not everyone will like you even if you’re cut from the same cloth.
Jesus had two sinners with him on the cross. They all had similar bruises and a similar fate. One liked him and the other didn’t.
It’s a part of life. So dust yourself, look in the mirror of The Word and see who you truly are. A child of God worth so much. The opinion of God is the opinion that matters. It is when you see yourself as God sees you, that you’re able to see others in the eyes of love. Otherwise, you will never learn to forgive the Judas’ and Peters in your life.
2Cor 5:16
Wherefore henceforth know we no man after the flesh: yea, though we have known Christ after the flesh, yet now henceforth we know him no more.
Dear YMC, when you’re stabbed in the back, bleed a little, remove the knife and bandage your wounds with the Opinion of Christ. It’s part of the process. You’re maturing through it. I promise. Jesus needed the Peter story to show the extent of His forgiveness. So do you.
~ Sheyla~